Do You Hold Others Emotionally Hostage?

Do you remember every little interaction and words people say? Do you often give friends family and co-workers the "cold shoulder? Do you often explode without much notice? Do others describe you as a bitter angry person? Do you lack community in your life, because you've burned all of your relational bridges?


Do you think you are often right and others are wrong? Can others call you out on your BS?


If you identified with any of these questions you might be an emotionally aggressive person. People in your life don't know what to do with you. They won't be honest with you because they fear you will have a hostile response. They are tired of being the target of your passive aggressive emotional tirades.


Now I understand that you may feel that there is legitimacy in your anger. You may even feel victimized, because your friends and family don't understand you or for some other reason, that you likely don't even remember.


But is that reality, is that what is really going on? Step back and take an objective evaluation of your behavior and responses. If people in your life cannot be truthful with you, ask "why". If your friends and family keep interactions brief with you and the conversation topics light, there is a good possibility that you've abused them with your emotional immaturity.


Now some bad stuff may have happened in your life and you got dealt a terrible hand, but does that give you license to victimize the people that care about you with your emotions?


That's a rhetorical question, the answer is unequivocally No. You have a responsibility to treat others fairly and lovingly.


You likely have emotional baggage and need professional support to sort it out. You cannot expect the people you're abusing with your emotions to be your counselors. That is ridiculous and inappropriate. They are there to support you, love you and listen. They are not meant to psychiatrically and therapeutically treat you.


You owe it to yourself and those around you to find a good therapist and start working on your issues. You don't want or need to spend the rest of your life being bitter, believing you're a victim and holding others emotionally hostage.


Take responsibility, seek help today so you can have better relationships. Being angry is no way to live.


Christian Bringolf MA LMHC