Helping Those Who Don't Want To Be Helped

We all have dealt with someone in our lives that needs professional help, but won't accept it or go get it. By professional help, I mean psychotherapy.  These people are usually friends, co-workers or family.  Often times family members are the hardest to handle, because there are all kinds of blurred lines on how to care for them.
 
For most of this blog post, I will be focusing on family members who need professional help and the family members who to try to help them.
 
Family is a wonderfully complex messy thing. Some of our most memorable moments (positive and negative) are with family.
 
Unfortunately there is more often than not one family member that requires help beyond what a family can offer/give. 
 
We all have family and should attempt to be involved in their lives. That being said there are individuals that simply don't want professional help for one reason or another. Maybe they don't think that they're that bad. Maybe they don't want to be viewed as crazy or maybe they are relying on other family members to handle their instability.  Whichever the case may be, it is exhausting trying to help a family member who doesn't want to be helped.
 
I want to suggest several ways to help in this type of situation:

1. Step out of the way: don't be presumptuous and think you are the only one that can help. There are many many others out there that may be of more help than you.

1. Know your limitations: you don't have infinite amount of energy. Be realistic.  You can't give yourself 100% to a needy family member and simultaneously take care of all your other responsibilities.

1. Set boundaries: you give an inch, a mile will be taken. Family members who need help, that won't seek help often don't do so because family is already meeting their needs, but not in a healthy way. Recognize when helping is really enabling.

1. Say "No": understand that saying "no" may be the best kind of help and love that a needy stubborn family member may require.

1. Stop being crazy: if you're feeling crazy by helping a needy family member, stop, end the pursuit that's making you go insane. You can't control anyone other than yourself.

1. Willingness: recognize that an individual (family member or friend) has to be willing to get real professional help for change to happen.  You can pray for them, cry with them, talk with them, slam your fist against the wall with them and pull your hair out; until they are willing to get professional help they will, along with you be circling cul-de-sac.

 
I understand that these may be harsh words for some to hear and they will struggle with thought that they may be standing in the way of their family member or friend getting the help they. But good intentions are no substitute for good competent professional help. 
 
We are not meant to be able to help absolutely everyone and know how to function within a crisis. Some of us know how to do this better than others.
 
It is humility to recognize that you cannot always help and it is healthy to create boundaries so you don't experience burnout and can't take care of yourself.