Relationships are essential and critical to who we are and how we develop. They are the vehicle by which we can love, be loved, be heard and give. Relationships don't operate on a formula (2+2=4) as the people involved are simply more complex than a numeric value. Making a relationship successful is often about sacrifice and understanding. I use the word sacrifice, because when you care for someone you are willing to put your needs aside and put their needs over yours. This word “sacrifice” illustrates this act. By sacrificing in your relationship you are saying to the other, “You are worth it.” The opposite of acting from a sacrificial place is to act out of obligation or selfishness. While you may still be genuine in what you are offering to the other in the relationship it carries a very different context. Evaluate, ask the question, “Am I acting out of sacrifice or am I acting out of obligation. Relationships are meant to bring joy and meant to be enjoyed.

You ever know someone who has an anger problem? It seems like their anger is always right there at the surface? That they are going to blow any minute and it is impossible to be around them?

Ever know someone with control issues? They always have to have the last word, be right, control every situation they're in. If things don't go the way they want they will do everything they can to make sure they get their way.

I believe that control is at the core of anyone who has "anger problems". Anger is just the manifestation of not being able to have control.

You want to deal with an anger problem, address the desire to have control first.

Good parenting doesn't always mean you are keeping your kids constantly going, giving them lots of experiences and giving them what they want. That stuff is all fine and good, but is more the icing on the cake and less foundational to what makes you a "good" parent.

 

1. Spend time talking with your children. No one is so busy that they can't spend 5mins talking with their kids. Make time to do this.
2. Find out what your kids like, be a part of their world. Doing this shows your kids you care about what they're doing and how they think about concepts.
3. Encourage your kids, don't be critical. Criticism tears down, encouragement builds up.
4. If you are going to "boil over" at your kids and your spouse is around, let them know you are reaching critical mass and that you need to step away and calm down. This communicates humility and that you are open to help and it models to your children how to work through anger in a healthy way.
5. Be available and have a long fuse. Kids need parents to be available more than they need more "stuff". This teaches kids that mom and dad are safe and stable. Be slow to anger. Kids have lots of questions and will ask you over and over again questions. Be patient with them and answer them calmly and lovingly