Do You Fight Well With Your Spouse?

Seems like an odd title, but one that I thought appropriate. After being married for some time and working with couples I wondered why I wasn't asking this question. I know as a married person, there can be a lot of emphasis on not arguing or having disagreement. That seems burdensome. Couples fight, disagree and get frustrated with one another. If you've been married for any amount of time this is not a new concept.  I believe there are healthy and unhealthy ways to argue.
 
Let me give you some questions to think about and use to evaluate how you argue with your husband or wife:
 
Unhealthy ways of arguing
 

1. Do you argue to tear down?
2. Are you overly critical?
3. Is your spouse the problem?
4. Do you refuse to take any responsibility?
5. Do you interrupt them in the middle of a point they are making?
6. Do you become defensive when they lovingly point out a character flaw?

 
Healthy ways of Arguing

1. Do you argue to understand?
2. Do you speak with humility?
3. Do you take responsibility for your words and actions?
4. Do you continue to persevere in love and pursuit when your spouse hits a wall and shuts down?
5. Do you look for ways to build your spouse up in the midst of fighting?
6. Do you take time to pray?

 
Take time to consider these questions. A married couple's goal is not to avoid arguing or fighting, but to listen to one another, acknowledge feelings, look to understand and reconcile as much as possible.

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